Sunday, November 6.
Hilltop Hoods and alcohol.
I fell in love with *Brandon points at me*
I’m so fucking happy.
Everything is so fucking good.
Love. Love. Love. I love him.
Saturday, November 5.
On the bed… On the floor… Up the wall… Down the wall… On the bed… On the floor… Up the wall… Down the wall… On the bed… On the floor… Up the wall… Down the wall…
I asked and I’m glad you told me. But it’s playing in my mind.
Over…
and over…
and over…
and over…
Why won’t you lose yourself in me like that?
Thursday, November 3.
Isn’t it interesting how a sentence can change your whole perspective?
Last night was a good night. A great, wonderful, perfect night. Brandon and I laid awake and talked for five hours and everything was wonderful.
I’m so happy I could die live forever. ♥
Tuesday, November 1.
I don’t have anything to say.
You know when one day you’re sitting there and you realise you’re doing something you watched someone do a million times and you thought you understood, but it’s not until that moment when you catch yourself doing it that you realise you understand now and you wonder if they felt all the things you feel?
I like to imagine I’m this interesting person with an interesting story but I’m not, I’m just a stupid kid and I fucked myself up and I’ve got no one to blame and nothing to show for any of it.
Thursday, July 14.
Sitting and staring and watching you, waiting for you to notice or act like you care. Walking away and shutting doors. Not shutting you out. Shutting out the emptiness. The aloneness. Using doors like a sadness shield. Silently begging you to open them. I feel so alone! Leaving, trying to leave behind the bad thoughts. You chase me! Only in my mind, of course. Relentlessly, in my mind. Always trying to determine what’s wrong - what’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with everything I do. I hate myself. I feel so alone! I dwell on should have beens of my own creation - there was never any promise of any of that. There is only want and what I do not have, which are one in the same. You aren’t afraid - do you know how much that terrifies me?
Tuesday, March 1.
Tuesday was a bad day. Brandon picked me up around two or three am. We went back to his house to watch Heroes and accidentally fell asleep around six something I think. When we woke up we were both pretty grumpy which wasn’t fun. We went in to town and got breakfast and stopped being as grumpy and everything was nicer.
I got to school late and went in to psychology which is nearly the most boring class I’ve ever had. I had plans to go to Dewie’s after school which we confirmed. After that class I checked my bank… and hadn’t been paid. I spent my whole English lesson stressing and not focussing on the film we were watching, Bright Star. It was about Keates and the kind of thing I would normally love but I couldn’t. I’d like to watch it again and see the ending. I left English early to go to town and sort everything out.
I got in to town and they told me I needed to call someone because they had blocked my pay. I sat on hold for no less than twenty minutes, probably closer to half an hour. When I finally got to speak to someone, he told me I had missed an appointment which, when I checked, had been made for a time when I was in class, which explains it I feel. After putting me on hold again he finally got everything sorted and told me my pay would go in tomorrow.
Then I went and talked to someone about being a full time student again which went surprisingly smoothly. I then asked if there was any way I could get part of my pay immediately and was told I needed to make another phone call to a call center. This one answered straight away but put me on hold in the middle of the call. I pretty sure if I ever have to listen to that hold music again I will spew. The man approved me for getting cash then said I needed to go and talk to someone else to get it. I went and stood in line and waited probably five minutes whilst the woman serving ignored the line of people building up. She finally spoke to me and asked me to wait in the full waiting area which almost completely cleared out before someone came to help me.
Eventually I got the money and went in to town to meet Mikaela. We did some shopping then went to pick up Chelsea, then visited their Mum for a little while which turned in to a big while.
We went home and Mikaela and Chelsea got all pretty and went out for dinner and I sat at home on Tumblr because I’m cool. My brother turned up to show me his ~awesome~ new phone and he hung out for a while whilst I cut my hair which was kind of cool, we never spend time together since I moved out.
After he left, I finished with my hair and showered quickly.
Mikaela arrived home just as I was getting done and a few minutes later Brandon arrived. We hung out for a while then went back to his house around eleven to watch more Heroes. We didn’t get to sleep until after three, oops.
That’s the story of my awful day. I bought lots of cute new underwear which made me hapy and that’s all.
Monday, February 28.
Tuesday, March 1?
It’s 2:10 am and this is what I currently look like.
I’m Skyping with Brandon, he is lovely. Even when he complains that I type too loud. Wat.
Today I started reading The Great Gatsby and I love it so, so much! I want to devour the whole thing but at the same time I never want it to end. Those are my favourite kind of books, the ones you can’t wait to finish whilst wishing they would never end.
Also I wanted to show off my nails and it seems I discovered a clever way to do so. They are painted silver, with purple triangles in the corners and each triangle has a silver sequin on it. They’re a bit rough but I’m fairly happy with them.
I can’t shake the feeling that there was something else I wanted to add to this post but I can’t recall what it was so I’m just going to leave it at this.
Good morning. ♥
